tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post8573786809313766212..comments2024-03-27T07:18:39.229-05:00Comments on In Medias Res: Kids (and their Parents) These DaysUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-19129311482191664242009-07-21T09:36:04.021-05:002009-07-21T09:36:04.021-05:00Thought of this post yesterday when a random 7-yea...Thought of this post yesterday when a random 7-year-old girl on rollerblades knocked on our door. Said she heard there were a bunch of kids living here, and would they like to play? I thought maybe she was new in the neighborhood. But no, her home was more than a mile away. Apparently she'd been rollerblading along the streets between there and here, knocking on doors, looking for kids. I was horrified. And then I remembered how common such an activity was 30 years ago (with skates instead of blades, of course). The times, they have a' changed. As much as I want to foster my kids' freedom and independence, I wouldn't want them going door-to-door in an unfamiliar neighborhood looking for friends...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-13687911727310137082009-07-17T08:44:18.728-05:002009-07-17T08:44:18.728-05:00I haven't check your site in quite a while but...I haven't check your site in quite a while but Laura sent me over here and I am again moved by the topic. I firmly believe children need some time without adult supervision. Time to try things out without someone 'helping' or correcting them. Time to make mistakes and figure out how to correct them on their own. Time to be foolish as well as wise. Time to learn they are competent to solve their own problems. One issue my daughter has with trying to let her children go outside to play without her is neighbors calling child protective and reporting her as a negligent parent. Amazing to me who grew up in the 50's with parents saying that unless we went outside they would find chores for us to do inside. I even heard of a parent who was arrested for letting the 12 year old watch her little sister. I babysat for 5 kids when I was 11 and no one thought I wasn't capable of doing it well. Times have changed but I don't think for the better. Kids need parents to act as parents. They can find plenty of friends but only have one set of parents. And the parents need to "get a life" and stop living it through their children. JMHOcarosgramhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12947740199617099349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-83904509122949266212009-07-15T13:06:41.277-05:002009-07-15T13:06:41.277-05:00Morninglight Mama, Corinne, Matt, thanks for your ...Morninglight Mama, Corinne, Matt, thanks for your great comments.<br /><br />MM, I completely agree with you that, when the rubber meets the road, all of this just boils down to balance. Balancing the need to provide structure and protection to our children, with our need to attend to ourselves, as adults, so we can give our children the space to both explore and figure things out for themselves, as well as hopefully see <i>us</i> as beings that are different from them and worthy of their consideration, respect, or even emulation.<br /><br />Corinne, don't apologize for being a yeller--that's what we are, and that's what I, at least, grew up with. If you're yelling, that means you given your children a lengthy leash they can stretch themselves against, one that almost takes them out of earshot. Of course, eventually you'll have to give up on or at least be selective with the yelling, because your kids will be traveling the neighborhood way beyond your voice. But at 6 1/2 years old, I'd say yelling is still just fine.<br /><br />Matt, thanks for bringing class and regions differences and considerations into this. I thought about pointing out in my post how very much I'm speaking to a subgroup of parents (for the most part not poor, not rural, and not living in inner cities either), but then I figured that such was probably obvious. I also really like your point about some of these combined stories/activities being "too 'adult' and structured for the kids, and too childish for the adult." I think Tim might be just a little too sanguine about the many obvious <i>failures</i> our society's various attempts to jointly engage parents and children, from movies that are either wildly inapprorpiate to condescendingly dumb, to museum designs that come off as either overly directing versus just plain dull, etc., etc.Russell Arben Foxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03366800726360134194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-30736281353004148742009-07-15T08:32:32.485-05:002009-07-15T08:32:32.485-05:00I think that a lot of middle-class family life is ...<i>I think that a lot of middle-class family life is now about the simultaneous adventures of children and adults, that children and adults are sharing far more of their experiences.</i><br /><br />It's surely good for kids to spend time with adults, and vice versa. But I wonder if there isn't something pretty bad in the way that the modern (upper?) middle-class families do this, both too "adult" and structured for the kids, and too childish for the adult, making the both worse off. <br /><br />This sort of thing also fits in with Annette Lareau's work (in her _Unequal Childhood_) in interesting ways, in that "lower class" kids, even in big cities, like the Harlem neighborhood I live in now, still do play outside and on their own quite a lot, more than it seems the children of my siblings in Boise, Idaho do, though Boise is surely safer (less traffic, for one thing.) I think there's also strong regional differences, with the East (or at least the mid-atlantic to the North East) having much more "structured" time for kids than in the west, though this seems to be changing (for the worse.)Matthttp://www.law.upenn.edu/cf/faculty/mlister/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-90787887095555902452009-07-14T20:01:39.246-05:002009-07-14T20:01:39.246-05:00ha! by the time I finished writing my comment, Da...ha! by the time I finished writing my comment, Dawn had stopped by :)Corinnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15741365928762676938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-79747076727665140012009-07-14T20:01:09.904-05:002009-07-14T20:01:09.904-05:00Your wife brought this to the attention of my frie...Your wife brought this to the attention of my friend Dawn, so I had to stop by :) This whole topic has been on my mind a lot lately because of a book that Dawn recently read called Free Range Kids (I'll let her expound if she stops by).<br /><br />Anyway, I have recently let my 6.5 year old son start having some "free range" in our neighborhood (we live in a quietish townhome cul-de-sac in a town between DC and Baltimore). He can scooter, ride his bike, run around, play bakugan with his friends, whatever, as long as he NOT alone and is close enough to hear me when I yell to touch base with him. Yes, that makes me one of "those" moms,the yelling ones, but I've found that it has been so good for him to wander around the neighborhood and figure out for himself what his limits are. The kinds of imaginings they have out there are fantastic - sometimes they just play freezetag on the big greenspace but other times they are ninjas and I don't know what all - but they are doing it without me guiding it or being in charge of it. I think, for me, that's what I appreciate most - they are having to make rules about their play and self-regulate the enforcing of their rules.<br /><br />Anyway, I appreciate this post, as well as Queen K's comments. Great discussion :)Corinnehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15741365928762676938noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-74565790949657243452009-07-14T19:57:47.124-05:002009-07-14T19:57:47.124-05:00Isn't all just about striking that balance-- I...Isn't all just about striking that balance-- I LOVE spending time with my kids, exploring together, reading together, simply being silly playing together, but guess what? I also LOVE when they spend time on their own, playing individually, or if the heavens are aligned <i>just</i> right, actually playing cooperatively together. I simply cannot stand to settle every little squabble or to come up with every idea for play or to soothe every single little perceived offense. They have to learn to use their imaginations and to communicate with each other and to solve small conflicts independently. <br /><br />So, finding that balance of independence and security is one of the biggest challenges that we 21st century parents may face, huh? I do think it's good that we're thinking about all this, and that it's not as easy as just doing it like they did in the olden days. We have to find a new way-- somewhere between the over-protectiveness of today and the almost-completely hands-offedness of yesteryear. <br /><br />Whew! Sorry for the crazy long comment here!! Can you tell you've hit something that I'm impassioned about? :)<br /><br />And if you and Melissa are on Twitter, it would be great for you guys to join the 'Tweet-up' tomorrow night on this topic with the author of 'Free-Range Kids,' Lenore Skenazy!morninglight mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04128926711800459894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-81451509499831634492009-07-14T14:20:17.659-05:002009-07-14T14:20:17.659-05:00That's a good way to bring this argument down ...That's a good way to bring this argument down to earth, Kathy. Sleepovers--an entranceway to the occult, to stalking pedophiles, to pot use? Sure, possibly, any and all of those things. But also, going on my experience as a dad, potentially a hell of a lot of fun for girls ages 6 to 14 or so. In our family, we say you have to be 8 to go on or invite someone over for an overnighter, and we've mostly stuck by that. And, of course, we have to at least know something about the family before we say yes. Seems like a decent compromise to us.Russell Arben Foxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03366800726360134194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7907752.post-72553238510945999322009-07-14T14:09:44.682-05:002009-07-14T14:09:44.682-05:00I recently lifted our household ban on overnights ...I recently lifted our household ban on overnights with friends. It seemed like a wise idea, given all the craziness I was exposed to on overnighters when I was growing up, and the potential for my kids to confront even greater craziness. But recently I recognized that I gained much more than I lost on those overnighters, and I don't want my kids to miss out on the overall experience, risky though it may be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com